I decided to write about swinging having been in the lifestyle for over 5 years now and from the perspective of a female who is attached but allowed to meet males.
It’s certainly been an experience, a life lesson and it’s always a learning curve before essentially what we all want and hope for is very different.
No amount of writing on your profile can summarise that and a large percentage of males do not even bother to read it. If they have and you then begin to chat (having deleted all those “how’s your day and how are you messages, I mean, just pure laziness), you will still find that males will “adapt” to what you say you want and like when in fact, its not them at all.
When I first started out on this journey, I stumbled into it, from a kink aspect of the love of latex and then females. Within no time my partner and I met a couple and played.
The high you get is amazing, we tried clubs, met other couples and then eventually as things evolved and we realised its very difficult to find a couple where you both click 100% we allowed each other to meet separately safe in the knowledge that its fun, its sex, its play…it isn’t about running off with someone else. He’s my life partner and best friend but we have the very unique or at least rare relationship that’s secure in not being jealous or worried that it might fall apart. Why? Because we communicate the whole time and are honest and I love him.
So in the past few years, I’ve met males alone, to begin with my partner would meet them and also initially play to not meeting them at all but going by my judgement or I’d show him conversations and on one or two occasions he wasn’t sure and he was right, I had ignored my gut feeling.
There has been a few repeat amazing people early days, one I’m still in touch with and his play was by far the most physical and quite frankly amazing.
The other was and will always be a mystery to me, we clicked on so many levels but he just trailed off, maybe its issues I can’t see or don’t understand. But I do know that I did 99% of the effort and he wasn’t willing to come to my house, be flexible, plus letting me down twice on a road trip the night before meant this person isn’t being honest with themselves and how they see things.
Since mid 2018, I would say aside of one recent kinky meet with a lovely much younger male than myself, they have all be non starters. There’s plenty who wax poetical and rave then suddenly just disappear, guess is a sign of how life is via your phone.
Sometimes its because I just don’t fancy them (you can’t fancy everyone) but mostly it’s the messing about and the lack of communication that has occurred. The complete time wasters, fantasists or just lack of the effort when I’ve travelled to them. There have been ones who I do give my number to, abuse me and then disappear or just ghost. I conclude they must have issues or other stuff going on in their head.
Last summer I chatted at length to a couple of males who said they would love to meet. One did some face timing and getting off (not my thing really anymore) and when it came to making an actual date, he made excuse after excuse regarding telling his partner. In an open & honest relationship apparently, clearly not. Has reappeared this summer then disappeared again.
A cross dresser, spoke lots, again when it came to meeting “because he often passes my way on business”, then wanted me to travel round the M25 in rush hour, then his car broke down and finally the best one was moving the meet to London from 2pm, to 4pm but could only stay for 2 hours as son was sick. I declined and months later he messaged to say I didn’t want to meet. Joke.
Around this time I met after much persuasion, a man from Fet. He had irregularly messaged me over 4 years. This is the one that my husband asked if I sure if he was my type. His vocabulary was basic to say the least but due to his constant and sudden consistency I agreed to met him, again me travelling in. This is probably the one where I was extremely lucky to get away. He met me at the station, we kissed (dreadful, should have run then), we went down to the market and pub and had a drink in the sun. He asked me to squeeze his cock hard through his shorts, at no point was it hard, I think drugs were involved. Then after a while we went back to his which I can honestly say was the worst experience I’ve ever had. I was lucky to get my stuff together and run up the road back to the station, tearful. He sent odd & horrible messages later on. I woke to bruised thighs.
Early part of this year, I arranged to meet a few who let me know either on the day or the day before that they were cancelling. Even this week, a man who I said I didn’t fancy, wanted to meet. After I said ok and asked when, did it then became a slow process of replies till the actual day when he couldn’t make it. I ask myself why are men so complicated, so quick to complain they get a raw deal when in fact, they spoil it by not communicating or making it too complicated. So this year goes as this….
Feb 2019 – after sporadic messages over quite a few years via different media I have agreed to meet for a coffee, someone that was married but now separated. I left clearly realizing this guy may still be depressed and we felt absolutely nothing for each other. A polite goodbye and good luck.
Feb 2019 – after much chatting, I agree to travel to him, just a coffee in a shopping centre. Then as it looms, he is sending me messages saying he’s very stressed with work and will I wait another month. No I cannot. It was on his doorstep, I was doing the travelling.
March 2019 (from October 2018) – now this one was a complete mystery, in a way I think in denial of many things, one being the fact that s/he either didn’t fancy me but kept trying too. We started well the previous Autumn and met around 5 times where he only managed to get it up once, another issue was s/he wasn’t excepting he suffered with erectile disfunction. The last time we met, I trekked into London, out to a kink night event, back into central London to a club they loved (I didn’t) where between myself and my friend, s/he practically ignored us all night with exception of offering us free drinks s/he didn’t lay a finger on us the whole night, which included sharing a bed with them. The only occasion s/he became animated was when they saw their recent sub who had split from them. This (wo)man needs to see an counsellor as lovely as s/he seemed, there’s too many issues to put down.
March 2019 – met this man at a kink house event where he made it very clear he was interested and took my fab name and messaged me instantly. We chatted for 2 weeks. Then on an impromptu, offered to come over and we went for a drive. Not normally my style but boy we had fun. Sadly he was a total liar, saying he was separated with a child of which he is in fact married with no child. He cancelled next two arranged meets, one after I checked it was still on and both due to “work”.
March 2019 – went to a club with my husband and another couple. Had an impromptu play with a CD, lovely person. Went on to a club the following month together, amazing night in the glory hole. Went on to cancel me and said s/he would be in touch for a coffee, never heard from them again. Understand s/he has lost their mojo.
April 2019 – cancelled on the day, hours before due to their child needed collecting.
April 2019 – Met a lovely guy, who to this day I’m undecided but I didn’t have fire in my belly and was seriously starting to question my mojo and this lifestyle.
June 2019 – having a slump, I briefly chat to someone and agree to a coffee the next day. This is quite rare after so few messages. We meet, have a chat, a kiss. He rings me the next day and asks me to come to his the day after. All a bit quick and I’m not sure anyway. I say I’m not happy going to his home as he’s married but that’s not a concern according to him. Having been in a near miss situation before he’s not listening to my concern. His tone when I declined didn’t help but confirmed it was a no from me.
June 2019 – Met a kinky CD in London, I travelled in which is an hour, he walked about 10 mins from home. As I walked in, he was buying himself a drink, no offer to get me one, no body language, in fact, he bought his own second drink too. I’m more take it in turns, don’t expect to be bought but wow, that’s tight. Eye contact wasn’t great, didn’t fancy.
June 2019 – Oh yes! This is the highlight of the year. Met this latex lovely guy in a hotel in Stanstead, there was nothing he said to me a month prior to meeting and chatting that put me off. He didn’t disappoint. Fantastic day with him.
July 2019 – Met a male I clicked with in terms of personality, agreed to a drink but again didn’t fancy them.
July 2019 – Met someone locally, now I really liked this guy. Full of life, personality, was vibrant. Agree to go to a club with him. I’d been completely open and honest about where I’m coming from. He then cancels the day before due to illness but still keen to meet. I ask a question about his home life to which I get a very vague answer and then realise this guy isn’t being as honest with me as I am with him. I just want honesty and if they are attached then its my prerogative if I meet them, we are all adults. He wouldn’t do that. Such a shame as I would have loved to go to clubs with him.
Aug 2019 – Met someone again not too far to travel, we chat but not much there. Not sure if he wanted me to chase him but I didn’t. He messaged a few times afterwards saying he would like to watch me and my husband having sex? Err not thanks. Also kept saying how busy he is with work and no time. Confusing.
Aug 2019 – This guy, wow, on text and chat, so promising, so much so I’d have hidden my profile just to meet up with him. He tells me he has no issue showing affection and so much more. Again, I go into London and wait to meet him. I’ve said I enjoy sharing a drink and coming into London means I will be staying after dusk. We meet, he takes me to a rammed cellar bar with high stalls, sits opposite me and slaps down a pint of coke. Then tells me he can’t stay long as he’s off on a stag weekend so driving. To say I was dumbfounded is an understatement. He buys me a drink but when it’s his turn again he cuts the meet even shorter and says he best be off. I find myself walking back to the station on a Friday at just gone 7pm so hit the rush hour and a long journey home. He’s walked 5-10 minutes from his office to meet me, a kiss on the lips, nothing more and he goes off in the opposite direction. If he is wondering why I didn’t answer his last message, that’s why. You don’t treat people like that. I’d made it clear of my night when he didn’t. I now understand why he is single. He actually looked bored of my conversation in the last hour but said he enjoyed my company even though he looked more interested in people watching. The eye contact wasn’t great and neither was his body language. The man on chat was not the man in person.
Aug 2019 – been chatting all year to a local guy and on an impromptu I walked up to my local and he bought me a birthday drink. Lovely guy, sadly I don’t fancy him.
Aug 2019 – meet another local man, not sure on message if there is a click, we sit and chat in a remote place for an hour but I know he’s not for me kink wise. Lovely bloke but again nothing sexually coming across for me.
Sept 2019 – currently chatting to a few, who knows where it might lead. But I’d say my best lovers have been in the past and possibly this is the end?
Oct 2019 – those few disappeared and I can’t say I’m disappointed. It reiterates the fickleness of it all.